Sunday, 3 January 2010


So its been a long long time since I've posted anything up here. I really am not a very good blogger, and to be honest I haven't felt that I've had anything worth posting, but I guess that isn't really the point, so I've just decided to start writing and see where that takes me.....
At the moment I'm 'home', though I've decided that word 'home' has no simple or definitive meaning. Coming 'home' for me does involve a 12hr plane ride to Thailand which means I'm not here very often. I think abscence does change things. They say home is where the heart is, but I'm not too sure where my heart is. I know that once my heart, my home, was very much in Pakistan where I lived for 10 yrs. And having been stripped from that country very suddenly, I'm not sure if my heart ever fully recovered. And so I came to be in Thailand; in practical and cultural terms a much easier place to live than the land of my childhood. Yet it has never possessed my heart in the same way. I lived here for 6 yrs. A time of growing and change which wasn't particularly easy as I don't think it is for any teenager. My family is here, many friends remain or come back here as I do, there are many things that I do love about this place. But is it home?
Now I live in England, my 'home' country though in many ways much more foreign. But I have settled well and I'm happy to live there. I know its where I'm meant to be, I have a house, I have a church, I've met some truly amazing people that I am fortunate enough to call my friends. Is it home? I'm not sure yet... I hope it will become so. But at the moment I feel my heart streched across continents. Each place that I have spent my life will always have a hold of part of me. Your environment shapes you, and they are part of who I am. And yes it adds to the confusion of where exactly is my home, but I am still for everypart thankful that I have had the opportunity to live in so many different and diverse places. So am I home? I really don't know, and I guess it doesn't really matter, because I'm here now and I might aswell make the most of the sunshine :)

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